


can i wake up with you?

by dayevsphil



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2010 Era (Phandom), Established Relationship, Family Dynamics, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:21:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22171714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dayevsphil/pseuds/dayevsphil
Summary: Phil isn'tbadat talking about his feelings, he just does it very differently than Dan does.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 16
Kudos: 146





	can i wake up with you?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ahappyphil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahappyphil/gifts).



> happy birthday keelin! you're such a sweetheart and i hope that you have a wonderful day!! <333
> 
> read and reblog on tumblr [here!](https://dayevsphil.tumblr.com/post/190138100503/can-i-wake-up-with-you)

Dan doesn't always know where the line is. That's true of most aspects of his life - he's never been very good at knowing what jokes are too far or what curses are acceptable to let fly in front of his friends' parents - but it's been especially true with Phil.

The thing is, Phil isn't _bad_ at talking about his feelings, he just does it very differently than Dan does. He's a bit bewildered by Dan's tendency to feel at least eight things at any given time and Dan's urge to communicate each and every one of those feelings in some way. Phil is good at telling Dan when he's happy or grumpy or lonely or horny, but he struggles more with the sort of long-term things that Dan's brain is constantly screaming about.

Most of the time, Phil doesn't want to think about the future at all. Dan knows how worried he is about it all - how worried they both are, really, about Dan's applications and Phil still living at home and The Job Thing - and he can see that meerkat look in Phil's eyes whenever he thinks a serious conversation is happening without warning, so he tries not to spring anything on him.

He fucks up sometimes, though. That might as well be Dan's biography, under special skills on his CV: he's got a real talent for fucking things up sometimes.

Once, Dan had seen a really cute baby on the bus. He'd made faces at her and watched her giggle and try to make faces back at him until she and her parents got to their stop. He'd felt so enamoured and warmed by the moment of connection that he'd texted Phil about how cute and small she was.

Phil had been normal about it - as normal as Phil ever is, anyway - until Dan said something throwaway about how he would be dressing his own kids in the future. The resounding hours-long silence was almost as if Dan could physically see Phil recoil from the topic.

So Dan tries not to say things like that casually. They'll have more and more serious conversations the longer they're together, and it's not like Dan is aching to go pick up a baby from the pound or whatever. He figures it can wait for one of those planned sharing moments Phil always seems to appreciate more than Dan just blurting his deepest feelings in the middle of Karate Kid.

The confusing part is that it isn't every single time. When Kath watches Dan close cupboards behind her son with a fond sort of expression and says that Dan might as well get used to it as he'll likely be doing it a good long while, Phil only laughs. Too loud, maybe, but not in an uncomfortable way. It's more like he isn't expecting his mum to mention the thing everyone in this house is aware of at this point. It's shock, sure, but it's also this sort of relieved delight that they've got one space in the entire world that they can be safe and open.

It's a gamble on whether a statement about their future is going to make Phil happy or stressed, so Dan errs on the side of biting his tongue. He already knows how lucky he is to have Phil, he doesn't want to do anything that might potentially risk that.

Dan has to muffle his laughter and his groans in Phil's pillows, because they don't always have the house to themselves and they're usually up until the wee hours of the morning, and Phil always gets this smug grin on his face whenever he can make Dan lose his grip on volume control. Tonight, Dan is fighting both impulses as Phil's fingers skate over his ticklish ribs and through the sparse hair on his stomach.

"You're so cute," Phil whispers, all quiet self-satisfaction over how easily Dan melts under his hands. "When we have our own place, you can be as loud as you want."

It's that easy. He just _says_ it. Dan looks carefully for any sign of meerkat mode in Phil's eyes. All he sees is fondness and confidence and appreciation - and a little amusement that makes Dan's stomach flip pleasantly - so he bites his lip.

"You want to live with me?" he asks, hating how insecure he always sounds in moments like this.

Phil blinks. Uncertainty creeps into his expression, and Dan wishes that he'd just kept his big mouth shut for once in his life. "Yeah. I thought we'd talked about that."

"Not since we started," Dan says, gesturing between them. Phil's hand is still up his shirt and his weight is still on Dan's thighs. Dan doesn't bother finishing the sentence. "I thought you'd - I dunno. Isn't it kind of a bigger deal to live with me when I'm your... boyfriend?"

The word is still new, tenuous, but Phil doesn't flinch away from it or from the implications Dan is trying so hard to make clear. Most of his blood isn't pumping through his brain right now, and it's important to him that Phil understands. He doesn't like making Phil uncomfortable, but he likes being misinterpreted even less. 

"I guess," Phil says, slowly. "But I didn't think of it like that - I _don't_ think about it like that. Nothing's changed. I still want to live with you. Like, ASAP."

Dan wants to say about a dozen more things about building a life together and all the swirling, complicated feelings bubbling in his chest, but Phil's fingers are dipping under his waistband and making his brain short circuit.

He's done talking about it, Dan supposes. They can probably get some good pillowtalk plans in, later, when Phil is sated and sappy and unlikely to be scared off by Dan being Too Much.

The line is getting easier to see, to avoid tripping over, and Dan is happy to meet Phil in the middle.

**Author's Note:**

> big ups to cat for making sure this was tenable and for everyone who reads this!! love y'all!


End file.
